Wednesday, March 6, 2013

It's the Waiting that Kills Me

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. ~Psalm 56:3

The problem with being able to think ahead is that my mind tends to overreact, or worse, I start second-guessing myself. Is that what I really saw? Don't you think you're overreacting? Aren't you jumping to conclusions? If you don't do something it might get worse. You'll look like an idiot if it turns out to be nothing. See what I mean?

We're in the process of scheduling an EEG for my youngest son as it seems he had another seizure over the weekend. You may remember that he may have had one at the beginning of the school year. When we saw the neurologist in October he advised that since my son had been seizure-free for so many years, we would treat this as his first seizure. He also reminded us that sometimes seizures return with the onset of puberty. Fabulous. As if puberty by itself wasn't enough. No, really, sometimes I say, "WTF? Are you kidding me?!"

At any rate, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for several reasons. The thought of my son dealing with seizures again makes me want to vomit. The thought of going through the list of anti-seizure meds or doing the ketogenic diet also makes me want to vomit. All of this runs through my mind and we don't even have a definitive answer yet. It's the waiting that kills me. I'm good at enduring and persevering, but not waiting. Once I know for sure, then I can deal. Until then I need to breathe and try not to explode.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. ~ Psalm 34:4

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